So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
