I wish i was in the wii world.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
