That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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