so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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