I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
