I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize