oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
this is an emotional support booty call
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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