when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
