He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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