the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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