Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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