i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
