so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
