I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize