is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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