This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
