This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I will pee on everything he values.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
