please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
