the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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