i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
