There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
