wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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