Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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