I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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