fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
