He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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