It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
