My brain says no but my pants say off.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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