dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dignity is for republicans.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize