You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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