fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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