so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
