so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
