Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
