People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
