I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
