I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Randomize
