you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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