Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
