direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
