apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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