ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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