just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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