When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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