Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
