who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
