I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
