My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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