By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize