you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And then my night got REAL pukey
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
