the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
