True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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