she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I touched a dick in church today
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
