Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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