420 ftw
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
