Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize