I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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