she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
