my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
