At least make sure they are 18
Why
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
