I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
