who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
