Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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