i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
